OMG!

Before I go into the diatribe about what the heck I found in my inbox, I'm just going to say I had a fantastic vacation -- family, foliage, football and Philly Cheeseteaks! Though it's nice to visit back East, I'm glad to be home. Man, those Phillies fans are outta control! I wore my LA Dodger cap and you'd think I was a serial rapist who targets deaf mutes!

Anyway... let's get on with it.

Shelley Sanderson in a sex tape?!?! WTF???? You know, I made it a point to leave alone the Internets when I want on vacation. Actually, it was my wife who kind of gave me this silly little ultimatum, "If you type in 'www' into anything on this vacation, I'm going to dress you up in Dodger Blue and handcuff you to the Broad Street Line." I will NEVER forgive her.

Seriously, my jaw couldn't hit the ground any harder. In case you missed it, or were too lazy to click on the above link, some woman named Charlynda Lamb was busted for "stalking" my girl, Shelley. Apparently, this Lamb woman posted a sex tape that purportedly shows Shelley doin' some naughty stuff and then making threatening phone calls to the councilwoman.

I'm going to play if it's true:

If it's true ... Why would anyone with political aspirations be so stupid?
If it's true ... Why would anyone with four kids, some of whom are probably old enough to use the Internets, be so stupid?
If it's true ... Why did I find out about this AFTER it was taken DOWN from the Internets???
If it's true ... All she needs is a DUI arrest and we have our own little celebrity!

Good god! Now, according to the story, the police say it was not Mrs. Sanderson on the tape, even though Mrs. Sanderson didn't really deny it herself.

Now, because I don't know if it's her or not, I'm just going to go ahead and assume it's not. Still, why would this Charlynda Lamb be stalking Mrs. Sanderson? The woman doesn't even live near West Covina, even though Mrs. Sanderson recalls meeting her -- though she doesn't know where or when, which I find a little odd. If someone was threatening me, I'd wrack my brain trying to figure it out so I can start connecting some dots. But that's just me.

And seriously, google this woman's name and you'll see she calls herself a "model."


OK, then. I had myself, sent Ms. Lamb an email, hoping to get a clue as to "Why?" If she writes back, I'll be sure to let you know about it. And, if you happen to know where this tape is, please let me know so I could settle this nonsense ONCE AND FOR ALL!

Thanks, readers. It's so good to be back.